Just a few pages in. I apologize ahead of time... I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi.
- Last paragraph of intro: May want to change "hell" to "heck" if we're expecting young 'uns to be using this. Don't want to rile up any MASW:FMAG groups...
- Dice: first paragraph, second sentence - change "type of dice" to "type of die"; also, last paragraph, "die" should be "dice" (die = singular, dice = plural)
- Creating a Character: second paragraph - change "you may choose from a list" to "you may choose a character from a list"
- Generate Ability Scores: second paragraph, last sentence, change "bonus" to "modifier"
- Generate Ability Scores: ability 'descriptions' - do we want a short sentence of 'flavor text' describing each ability? - also, for Dexterity, insert a "to" before "hit rolls"
Aside: the descriptions reference concepts not yet described in the text - maybe just have a generic statement about modifiers and present the effects as the situations arise in the adventure?
- Pick a Class: change to "You may play as a Human Fighter, Magic-user, Cleric, or Thief. Other options include a Dwarf Fighter or Thief, an Elf Fighter/Magic-user, or a Halfling Fighter or Thief. Write your choice down on your character sheet."
- Select Equipment: the "(Gold pieces...)" clause should be before the period. Also, move "(on page xx)" to after "Lists"
- Using the character record sheet: Mentions "Swords & Wizardry White Box", but the game is WB:FMAG...
- Cleric: maybe present allowable weapons instead of listing weapons not allowed
- Turning Undead: second sentence, change all of the "their"'s to "his or her" - also, last sentence, change "they roll" to "he or she rolls" (or maybe "the player rolls")
- Turning undead (new option) - same here, the "they"'s and "their"'s need to be singular since the text is referencing a single player Cleric
- Magic-user: combine the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs into one.
- Magic-user: 2nd paragraph refers to "section on magic spells" - should be clearly identifiable as to specifically where to look
- Thief: last sentence of first paragraph, change ";" to ","
- Thief: second paragraph, change "and can use any" to ", but can use"
- Adventuring: 6th paragraph, 7th sentence, change "become harder to die" to "become harder for your character to die"
- A character's actions: 1st paragraph. last sentence, should be a ";" after "no" and a "," after "or"