Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone? [CLOSED]
- tumblingdice
- Posts: 461
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:26 pm
- Location: Southern NH
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
How about this?
Elder Dwellers of the Forbidden B/X Basement
Eagerly exploring the esoteric Lands and Environs of the D&D Wilderness. When we have time.
Elder Dwellers of the Forbidden B/X Basement
Eagerly exploring the esoteric Lands and Environs of the D&D Wilderness. When we have time.
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
GOLD.tumblingdice wrote: ↑Thu Jun 03, 2021 5:35 pmHow about this?
Elder Dwellers of the Forbidden B/X Basement
Eagerly exploring the esoteric Lands and Environs of the D&D Wilderness. When we have time.
- tumblingdice
- Posts: 461
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:26 pm
- Location: Southern NH
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
The English major in me is starting to bristle at the amount of adjectives and adverbs piling up here. Will shorten to:
Dwellers of the Forbidden B/X Basement
Exploring the esoteric Lands and Environs of the D&D Wilderness. When we have time.
I have to interview an applicant via Zoom for a part-time position here at the library, so I need to go act like an (ostensibly) responsible adult for the rest of the day. I'll let the discussion continue while I'm away, and then make an executive decision tonight.
Dwellers of the Forbidden B/X Basement
Exploring the esoteric Lands and Environs of the D&D Wilderness. When we have time.
I have to interview an applicant via Zoom for a part-time position here at the library, so I need to go act like an (ostensibly) responsible adult for the rest of the day. I'll let the discussion continue while I'm away, and then make an executive decision tonight.
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
We have a winner!
- connivingsumo
- Posts: 929
- Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:55 pm
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
Too highbrow!connivingsumo wrote: ↑Thu Jun 03, 2021 7:56 pmChicken Dinner!
*kinda butt-hurt my 'Esoteric' didn't make the cut!
- tumblingdice
- Posts: 461
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:26 pm
- Location: Southern NH
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
Look at the second line.connivingsumo wrote: ↑Thu Jun 03, 2021 7:56 pmChicken Dinner!
*kinda butt-hurt my 'Esoteric' didn't make the cut!
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
Needs passive voice.tumblingdice wrote: ↑Thu Jun 03, 2021 5:47 pmThe English major in me is starting to bristle at the amount of adjectives and adverbs piling up here.
- tumblingdice
- Posts: 461
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:26 pm
- Location: Southern NH
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
The passive voice is needed? Is that what was said by you?
Re: Old-fashioned dungeon crawl, anyone?
Overbearlingly judgmental English majors are driven exceedingly crazy by excessive use of unnecessary adverbs, redundant and surplus adjectives, and the passive voice.